So I lost my job last week, and when I say lost my job I mean that my employers kept me on for the past few months out of pitty and they finally decided to cut the line and release me back into the wild. I’m not sure yet how I feel about this because on the one hand I am ecstatic about leaving one of the most soul sucking office jobs on the planet, but on the other hand it is going to be difficult to read-adjust back into society and not fall back into the slumps that had plagued me previously i.e. lots of pot, booze, and a lifetimes worth of masturbation. Keeping this in mind I am trying to figure out exactly what direction I want to take my life . do I fall back to my old ways in a devilish downward spiral of cheap porn, or do I decide to take a step into the darkness and attempt to see what could be.
At first, life without work seemed blissful. Thursday through Sunday was a non-stop glutton fest. I drank enough to make Henry Chinaski rise up out of his grave and say cheers. In the blink of an I Monday had arrived, the alarm in my play house of a room was set for 7:00 am, the same time I would crawl my way out of bed and continue the drone like routine that I had known for 2 years, but this morning was different.
I awoke with no purpose, no sense of responsibility, the drive was still burning in side of me but I had nothing to put it towards, no direction. The emptiness began to set in. I didn’t realize how lonely of a person I had become over these past few years, shutting out the people that care for me and the friends that would always be their no matter how much of there parent’s booze I consumed. What do I have to show for it, a few months of unemployment checks. I know for certain that the co-workers that I had grown close to in the past few years have already begun to think of me in past tense and soon i will no longer call them friends. So here i am sitting at this computer pouring my thoughts into this poor mans version of a social column.
What am I to do…the thought that has been dominating my mind these past few days like the Russian in rocky 4.
(By the way I hate to use this as a metaphor but you gotta do what you gotta do.)
Am I going to let myself go the way of Apollo Creed, or am I going to grab a fucking log and run through some god damn snow until those dirty commies are off my back….
Regardless of what I do with my life I can thank my previous job for one thing…that one thing I have not yet discovered , but when I do, I will make sure to share it with you.
What ever course of action I take I will be sure to chronicle it, because craziness just won’t leave me be.
At first, life without work seemed blissful. Thursday through Sunday was a non-stop glutton fest. I drank enough to make Henry Chinaski rise up out of his grave and say cheers. In the blink of an I Monday had arrived, the alarm in my play house of a room was set for 7:00 am, the same time I would crawl my way out of bed and continue the drone like routine that I had known for 2 years, but this morning was different.
I awoke with no purpose, no sense of responsibility, the drive was still burning in side of me but I had nothing to put it towards, no direction. The emptiness began to set in. I didn’t realize how lonely of a person I had become over these past few years, shutting out the people that care for me and the friends that would always be their no matter how much of there parent’s booze I consumed. What do I have to show for it, a few months of unemployment checks. I know for certain that the co-workers that I had grown close to in the past few years have already begun to think of me in past tense and soon i will no longer call them friends. So here i am sitting at this computer pouring my thoughts into this poor mans version of a social column.
What am I to do…the thought that has been dominating my mind these past few days like the Russian in rocky 4.
(By the way I hate to use this as a metaphor but you gotta do what you gotta do.)
Am I going to let myself go the way of Apollo Creed, or am I going to grab a fucking log and run through some god damn snow until those dirty commies are off my back….
Regardless of what I do with my life I can thank my previous job for one thing…that one thing I have not yet discovered , but when I do, I will make sure to share it with you.
What ever course of action I take I will be sure to chronicle it, because craziness just won’t leave me be.
3 comments:
Colin! I dont think of you in the past tense! Please dont think of me in that way! I felt the same way that you are now feeling and I was actually rather depressed after a week or so after being laid off. I finally had to make a decision of what to do with my life and it was a lot of pressure and it sucked. I didnt want to get back into mortgage and I had to figure out what direction I wanted to go. I finally figured things out and now it is just going to be a long journey getting there. Please promise me that we will still see each other! I think you and Jon should come and hang out with me at the Laguna dog park next week! We can check out some show dogs. Love you Walter!
I have never wanted to take my own life more than I did at the conclusion of that post. How about this little tidbit of information: every change is for the good. Think of how many times in your life you have made a change, and how often was it for the worst? Well, for you, maybe it will be for the worst. But, I think there are greener pastures out there.
Wow... I cant believe I just stumbled across this post...
Somehow we became separated on Myspace (re-add me jerk)...
I was out of work for 3 months(!!) before I found a great job... they are out there, but it is only getting harder to find one right now...
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